somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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