I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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