don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
