kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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