I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
