help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
