i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
