you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
