I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Bring me that man meat
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
