Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
