i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
