My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
