I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
