im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
