I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
