Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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