A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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