Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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