YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
