Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
