Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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