I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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