I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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