soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I did not marry a roomba.
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