first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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