Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How external is "for external use only"?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
