quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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