I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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