last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize