Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
