if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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