you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
