you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
