can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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