if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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