P.S. I can't hear my feet
please come you make the beer taste better
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
