my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
