yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
