Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
A+ Viking dick
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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