I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
