Who did Billy Mays play for?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
