why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
