I'm jealous of your bromance
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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