I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You were trust falling into bushes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
