It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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