so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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