I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
