Pants 0. Shit 1.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
