Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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