White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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