Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
