Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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