I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
