I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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