Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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