walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
