you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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