i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Come see our sink grown plant.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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